February 16, 2021

How to Get Your Crush to Like You

Relationships

What was that? I’m sorry, I can’t! I’m 90% sure he doesn’t like me. Of course he does, unless he’s an idiot, and you wouldn’t crush on an idiot would you? I am an idiot.

Hey, hey, hey, what’s with all the negative self-talk? She’s an idiot. No, you’re a smart, confident girl.

Not when I’m around him. He literally doesn’t like me. How could anybody not like you? I’m annoying. She is.

You’re wonderful. No, it’s true, I’m annoying. I shuffle my feet, I put ketchup on everything, I say I can twerk but I can’t. Well he’s going to have to learn to appreciate all these things. If he doesn’t, then he’s not the guy for you.

He is the guy for me. You know, sometimes when a guy says a girl is annoying, means he actually really likes her. Why?

Girls are supposed to be the complicated one. Hey, you okay? Huh? You seem… distracted. Oh, um…

Tell her to mind her own business! I can’t do that. Then tell her the 80’s called, they want their jacket back. Oh my gosh.

Don’t do that. It goes against everything your mother has taught you. Always be nice.

You never know what battles People around you. Thanks, I’m fine. I like your shoulder pads.

That was unnecessary. *chewing gum bubble bursts* You guys aren’t helping! I need him to like me. What should I do? Start with one small thing.

What? Be yourself. No, that’s not good advice. Why?

Don’t be yourself, that’s boring. Be someone you’re not. Like who? Whoever.

Whatever guys want. I don’t know what he wants! He wants who you really are. Okay, so how do I do that?https://www.cincinnatiparks.com/lesbian-dating-web-sites/ How do I be myself?

I can’t believe you’re listening to him. Start with a smile. No, smiling is bad. Why? You are too approachable when you smile.

Isn’t that good? No, guys want hard to get! They want to feel like they earned something. Smiling doesn’t give them that.

You’re complicating things. A smile can change anything. Really? Smile, and the world will smile with you.

Thanks for inviting me. This is a wonderful idea. I love picnics. Me too and the weather sure is nice. Sometimes I like to just look up at the clouds . I do as well, but why look at the clouds when I can look at you?

You’re so sweet. You make me… …smile? Oh look, clouds! What if my smile’s not enough? It’s not!

You look like a moron when you smile. So what then? You need to work on your looks. Like how? Like look better!

She’s perfect the way she is. If she wants to impress her mom. Guys in school see you differently.

You need makeup. So like how much do I put on? A lot! Makeup is just hiding your true self. No guy wants your true self.

You want to show you true self? Here. Flash little skin. ?? Guys want supermodel, not reality.

Supermodel. Okay. Hello.

Hi. Do you come here often? Well this is my locker, so yeah.

I like it. Thanks. Do you wanna walk me to class? Sure, what do you have?

French. I can’t, that’s not me. That’s the point. Covering up who you are is not the answer.

But what if I’m not pretty enough? How you look isn’t important, it’s what’s inside you that matters. Oh my god!

This is not advice this is sabotage! Trust me. Trust yourself, you’re a funny girl.

Guys don’t want funny, they want hot. Then those aren’t the guys for you. They’re the only guys out there.

Let your personality shine through, and you’ll end up with the man of your dreams. Well I guess I’m funny sometimes. Hey how’s everybody doing tonight? Nice-looking crowd!

I’m really excited today having such a good day! So I was in math and we’re working on this problem from the textbook and my name was in it! Have you ever had that? If Zoe could hike 23 miles in four and a half hours, how fast was she travelling?

I was famous! Everybody looked at me when the teacher read it out. I was like: “Yeah”!

Except nobody got it right so now everybody hates me. *laughing* Anybody here taking chemistry? Anybody got Mr. Anderson?

Have you ever noticed how much he farts in class? Oh my god! One time I just stayed after class and it was like I had a private tutor. Get it?

Tout-or? On a happier note I just got my braces off and now my teeth are nice and straight but it’s not all good. See, I never flossed when I had my braces.

It was hard! And now I have this weird gum disease and my breath stinks. Well technically it’s not my breath, it’s just a fungus growing inside my mouth. Sorry I don’t have a punchline to that. *cough* you suck *cough* You’re wonderful. What if he doesn’t like my personality?

Like what if I say something stupid? Exactly. The less you say the better! She should be free to say whatever she wants She should have something where she doesn’t have to say anything.

Like what? You should injure yourself. What?!

No! I’m serious. Self-mutilation is not the answer!

What do you mean? You should break your arm or your leg. You’ll be in crutches or wheelchair. You have all this attention.

He’ll feel sorry for you, have sympathy. That is just another lie. She can’t fake an injury. Who says she has to fake it?

Oh my goodness are you ok? It’s my leg. Don’t speak! I think I… Don’t speak I’ll carry you.

Thank you. oh Don’t… Don’t worry you’re safe with me. Oh my gosh! My leg! I’m so sorry!

I’ll carry you. This is getting weird! That’s because I’m weird. He’ll never like me.

Why am I so obsessed? You need to avoid the lies. So what should I do? Try singing. What?

You’re a beautiful singer. That’s the biggest lie so far. She’s right, I can’t sing. Of course you can sing. Everyone can sing!

Everyone can commit social suicide! Singing, not everybody. A song is the best way to tell people how you feel.

The Beatles, Elvis, Lionel Richie,… they’ve all done it! But my voice. You’ve got a beautiful voice! Even if… Even if!

But what about… It doesn’t matter. Just sing? Just sing! Uh, excuse me, can I borrow your eraser?

Yeah sure you borrow my eraser, but it comes with my heart you don’t have to return it ’cause this is the star you can’t erase my love you can’t erase my love You know what, I think I’ll just borrow from someone else. Oh. Okay.

Sometimes a song in your heart is to stay there I agree I can’t sing Okay, fine, you’re not perfect, but nobody is! Yeah but she’s really not perfect. It’s okay to let him see your flaws.

There’s nothing wrong with that, flaws make us human Flaws make us ugly. You need to hide them as deep as you can. Flaws are endearing. They help us connect. Just think; if he knows you, all your flaws, and still wants you, you think you’re bad you’re spoiling it It will creep him out.

We make him feel better about his own flaws, he’ll open up to you, you’ll find connection. Really? Yeah. I just want you to know I’m not perfect.

Who is? There’s just a few things I wanted to tell you. Sure, like what? Like, sometimes I forget to say thank you.

Okay, that’s fine, I forget to do that too sometimes. I forget to wash my hands. Okay.

On purpose. I’m not judging you. And when I get ice cream I still get little kids flavors like bubble gum. Who doesn’t have a guilty pleasure?

Is that all? There’s more. I’m sure it can’t be that bad. I chew my mouth open, I talk during movies and ruin it for everyone and I’m scared to take off my band-aid. That’s fine I have some flaws of my own.

Mine are worse. I don’t floss. I pop my zits.

I drool in my sleep. I bite my toenails. I shoot off the Floor. I let my dog lick in my mouth.

I pick my nose and eat it. I stick my finger in my belly button and I smell it No you cannot be doing this! Oh my gosh, thank you! Let’s just keep our flaws to ourselves.

What was that? I’m sorry, I can’t! I’m 90% sure he doesn’t like me. Of course he does, unless he’s an idiot, and you wouldn’t crush on an idiot would you? I am an idiot.

Hey, hey, hey, what’s with all the negative self-talk? She’s an idiot. No, you’re a smart, confident girl.

Not when I’m around him. He literally doesn’t like me. How could anybody not like you? I’m annoying. She is.

You’re wonderful. No, it’s true, I’m annoying. I shuffle my feet, I put ketchup on everything, I say I can twerk but I can’t. Well he’s going to have to learn to appreciate all these things. If he doesn’t, then he’s not the guy for you.

He is the guy for me. You know, sometimes when a guy says a girl is annoying, means he actually really likes her. Why?

Girls are supposed to be the complicated one. Hey, you okay? Huh? You seem… distracted. Oh, um…

Tell her to mind her own business! I can’t do that. Then tell her the 80’s called, they want their jacket back. Oh my gosh.

Don’t do that. It goes against everything your mother has taught you. Always be nice.

You never know what battles People around you. Thanks, I’m fine. I like your shoulder pads.

That was unnecessary. *chewing gum bubble bursts* You guys aren’t helping! I need him to like me. What should I do? Start with one small thing.

What? Be yourself. No, that’s not good advice. Why?

Relationships

Don’t be yourself, that’s boring. Be someone you’re not. Like who? Whoever.

Whatever guys want. I don’t know what he wants! He wants who you really are. Okay, so how do I do that? How do I be myself?

I can’t believe you’re listening to him. Start with a smile. No, smiling is bad. Why? You are too approachable when you smile.

Isn’t that good? No, guys want hard to get! They want to feel like they earned something. Smiling doesn’t give them that.

You’re complicating things. A smile can change anything. Really? Smile, and the world will smile with you.

Thanks for inviting me. This is a wonderful idea. I love picnics. Me too and the weather sure is nice. Sometimes I like to just look up at the clouds . I do as well, but why look at the clouds when I can look at you?

You’re so sweet. You make me… …smile? Oh look, clouds! What if my smile’s not enough? It’s not!

You look like a moron when you smile. So what then? You need to work on your looks. Like how? Like look better!

She’s perfect the way she is. If she wants to impress her mom. Guys in school see you differently.

You need makeup. So like how much do I put on? A lot! Makeup is just hiding your true self. No guy wants your true self.

You want to show you true self? Here. Flash little skin. ?? Guys want supermodel, not reality.

Supermodel. Okay. Hello.

Hi. Do you come here often? Well this is my locker, so yeah.

I like it. Thanks. Do you wanna walk me to class? Sure, what do you have?

French. I can’t, that’s not me. That’s the point. Covering up who you are is not the answer.

But what if I’m not pretty enough? How you look isn’t important, it’s what’s inside you that matters. Oh my god!

This is not advice this is sabotage! Trust me. Trust yourself, you’re a funny girl.

Guys don’t want funny, they want hot. Then those aren’t the guys for you. They’re the only guys out there.

Let your personality shine through, and you’ll end up with the man of your dreams. Well I guess I’m funny sometimes. Hey how’s everybody doing tonight? Nice-looking crowd!

I’m really excited today having such a good day! So I was in math and we’re working on this problem from the textbook and my name was in it! Have you ever had that? If Zoe could hike 23 miles in four and a half hours, how fast was she travelling?

I was famous! Everybody looked at me when the teacher read it out. I was like: “Yeah”!

Except nobody got it right so now everybody hates me. *laughing* Anybody here taking chemistry? Anybody got Mr. Anderson?

Have you ever noticed how much he farts in class? Oh my god! One time I just stayed after class and it was like I had a private tutor. Get it?

Tout-or? On a happier note I just got my braces off and now my teeth are nice and straight but it’s not all good. See, I never flossed when I had my braces.

It was hard! And now I have this weird gum disease and my breath stinks. Well technically it’s not my breath, it’s just a fungus growing inside my mouth. Sorry I don’t have a punchline to that. *cough* you suck *cough* You’re wonderful. What if he doesn’t like my personality?

Like what if I say something stupid? Exactly. The less you say the better! She should be free to say whatever she wants She should have something where she doesn’t have to say anything.

Like what? You should injure yourself. What?!

No! I’m serious. Self-mutilation is not the answer!

What do you mean? You should break your arm or your leg. You’ll be in crutches or wheelchair. You have all this attention.

He’ll feel sorry for you, have sympathy. That is just another lie. She can’t fake an injury. Who says she has to fake it?

Oh my goodness are you ok? It’s my leg. Don’t speak! I think I… Don’t speak I’ll carry you.

Thank you. oh Don’t… Don’t worry you’re safe with me. Oh my gosh! My leg! I’m so sorry!

I’ll carry you. This is getting weird! That’s because I’m weird. He’ll never like me.

Why am I so obsessed? You need to avoid the lies. So what should I do? Try singing. What?

You’re a beautiful singer. That’s the biggest lie so far. She’s right, I can’t sing. Of course you can sing. Everyone can sing!

Everyone can commit social suicide! Singing, not everybody. A song is the best way to tell people how you feel.

The Beatles, Elvis, Lionel Richie,… they’ve all done it! But my voice. You’ve got a beautiful voice! Even if… Even if!

But what about… It doesn’t matter. Just sing? Just sing! Uh, excuse me, can I borrow your eraser?

Yeah sure you borrow my eraser, but it comes with my heart you don’t have to return it ’cause this is the star you can’t erase my love you can’t erase my love You know what, I think I’ll just borrow from someone else. Oh. Okay.

Sometimes a song in your heart is to stay there I agree I can’t sing Okay, fine, you’re not perfect, but nobody is! Yeah but she’s really not perfect. It’s okay to let him see your flaws.

There’s nothing wrong with that, flaws make us human Flaws make us ugly. You need to hide them as deep as you can. Flaws are endearing. They help us connect. Just think; if he knows you, all your flaws, and still wants you, you think you’re bad you’re spoiling it It will creep him out.

We make him feel better about his own flaws, he’ll open up to you, you’ll find connection. Really? Yeah. I just want you to know I’m not perfect.

Who is? There’s just a few things I wanted to tell you. Sure, like what? Like, sometimes I forget to say thank you.

Okay, that’s fine, I forget to do that too sometimes. I forget to wash my hands. Okay.

On purpose. I’m not judging you. And when I get ice cream I still get little kids flavors like bubble gum. Who doesn’t have a guilty pleasure?

Is that all? There’s more. I’m sure it can’t be that bad. I chew my mouth open, I talk during movies and ruin it for everyone and I’m scared to take off my band-aid. That’s fine I have some flaws of my own.

Mine are worse. I don’t floss. I pop my zits.

I drool in my sleep. I bite my toenails. I shoot off the Floor. I let my dog lick in my mouth.

I pick my nose and eat it. I stick my finger in my belly button and I smell it No you cannot be doing this! Oh my gosh, thank you! Let’s just keep our flaws to ourselves.

You’re right. That was not helping with my self-confidence. We’ll go back to lying.

Okay. No. You can still be honest with him. Honesty is overrated.

Give it a chance. It won’t work. What about straight talk? guys No! -love straight talk, I mean, they understand it, -No, no, no! No! there’s no mixed-messages.

You just walk up to him and say I like you. No, you can never tell him that you like him! That makes you too vulnerable.

You need to be protected with sarcasm and jokes and cheesy pick-up lines. That goes against everything your mother has taught you. Exactly. Cheesy pick-up lines?

Really? Yeah! Guys use them all the time.

It’s only natural that it’ll work. Okay, so, like what? Well for example: Hey do you like my new shirt? Yeah it’s nice. Guess what, it’s made out of girlfriend material.

Hey I’ve seem to lost my library card but can I check you out? Is everything okay? Yeah, I just seem to lost my phone number can I have yours? Hi, my name’s Zoe, but you can call me anytime. This is humiliating.

What is wrong with just being honest? If you’re going to be honest, you have to lie about it. What?

Like walk up to him and say: Hey, my friends dared me to ask you out. They did? Yeah but I wasn’t going to intend you to say no Right?

Look, if you’re going to lie, it has to be an innocent little white lie. Like what? Like walk up to him in the hall and: Oops Let me get that for you. Oh my god, you watch way too many 80s movies.

You need to think more modern. Set up a fake snapchat account and stalk him. *phone whistle* Who’s Dylan? He’s your other fake account duh! He sends you late-night texts. oh This is crazy!

You’re building a relationship on a lie! Once the truth comes out all trust will be broken and everything is gonna end. Whatever, it’s not like she’s getting married. You never know where these things might lead Oh my god, don’t put so much pressure on her, she just needs to have some fun.

You guys! What should I do? Just ask him out. You both agree?

I guess. So just ask him out. Just like that? Sure why not? Will that work?

One of two things will happen: He’ll say yes and your awkward dream will come true, or he’ll say no and you’ll instantly hate him. Either way you’re off the fence. But how do I do it, it’s hard. It’s like your band-aid. Pull it off quickly.

It won’t hurt as much. But it’ll still hurt. Just do it. I can do this. Yes!

What a girl! I’ll just walk right up to him and ask him: Do you want to go out with me? In real life?

In real life. What?! Tomorrow.

It will be legendary. Hey, your owen’s friend right? Yeah. Where is he? He moved.

What? Yeah. yesterday was his last day. You’re Zoe, right? Yeah, why? He talked about you.

He did? What did he say? He wanted to talk to you.

He was kind of shy. He was? Yeah. He had a crush on you. *music*

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