December 24, 2020

Why You Aren’t Getting A Second Date

Kissing

So I get a very, very common question from a lot of different guys. And it goes something like this, “So, Charlie, I went out on this date last night with this girl and it was amazing. I mean, we had the best time. She was laughing the whole time.

I felt like I was on fire, and I definitely want to see her again, so I texted her in the morning, I said I had a great time, when can we do it again, and she didn’t even get back to me,” or “Charlie, I went out last night. I met this girl, and it was just sparks from the gecko. We stood there, we talked for an hour, we traded numbers, and when I texted her today to say ‘Hey, we should go on a date,’ she said that she doesn’t want to, and that she just sees me as a friend. What is going on here?” So, I recognize, absolutely, that there are a million and one reasons that any singular partnership might not work out.

It could be compatibility issues, it might be something going on in her life, but, really, beyond those simple compatibility issues, the majority of the time, there’s really only three main reasons that a woman is not going to want to see a man, again, and they all kind of boil down to these three buckets. Once you know what these three buckets are, you can identify, “Holy cow, I’m consistently blowing interactions I’m having with women, because I’m not doing this thing, or because I am not presenting myself, or this aspect of myself. I want to cover what these buckets are in a woman, and keep in mind that these are all emotions that she is having when she is around you.https://www.vidaselect.com/ukrainian-dating-sites/

So, the first one is this–the emotion of just having fun with you and of being interested in you. This one is really basic, and you should know if you don’t have it, right? If ever you’re on a date where this isn’t there, it’s terrible. The entire thing is completely stilted, conversation is forced, it’s just not going well.

So, this is, generally, one, the guys understand. More likely, this occurs at a bar or on situations where it’s not there. You walk up to someone, you start to talk, and they never really seem interested. They’re not really laughing. They’re not following up and asking you questions.

When there’s an awkward pause in conversation, they don’t endeavor to fill it, right? They just kind of let it sit there. That’s the most basic one, and the issue with this, is that on dates, a lot of guys get stuck here, right? They think, as long as she’s laughing, as long as she’s asking questions, that must mean that she’s getting more attracted to me, and, I, myself, use to think this, and the truth is, attraction for a woman, sure; part of it is, is she interested in you? Does she have fun with you?

But it goes beyond that, and if you think that simply talking about commonalities and making her laugh is going to make her feel romantic feelings for you, that is going to screw you up, because there is more to it than that. So that’s where the other two buckets come in. The second piece is so critically important, but, really, sadly, underseen in the real world is having genuine standards, right?

This is rules of conduct for how you need people to behave if they’re going to be in your life, and it’s so sad, but true, that most men do not have standards for the women in their life. The only things they care about are, “Am I physically attracted to her, and is she interested in me?” So I encourage you, right now, think back to your own life. Think back to times in your life. Is there a time in your life where there was a woman who was interested in you, who you were attracted to, where you didn’t continue to pursue things because she was rude to someone else, or she wasn’t affectionate, or she wasn’t a match in some other way? If you’re struggling to think of something, chances are that you don’t have any real standards.

And I promise you, this is hindering your daily life. Women, men, all of us in the world need to feel that people are judging us for who we are, right? If you’ve ever been in a situation where, maybe, you were in a position of power, and people just run up and kissed ass, that is a huge turn off. You want nothing to do with them. We gravitate towards those people who hold us to high standards, right?

To those people who genuinely care about who we are as a person, and our personality. A lot of guys, because they’ve never developed these standards for things that they’re looking for, cannot accurately communicate that to a woman, and what they do is they fill in these completely bogus lines of, you know, “You’re not like anyone that I’ve ever met before,” trying to act like they have standards, and it’s going to fall flat. So the most important thing, right now, is not that you memorize a certain line to make her feel this, it’s that you think, what am I actually looking for?

What are my actual deal breakers? Because if I don’t have any, and I’m incapable of demonstrating that, say that, a deal breaker is being rude, for instance, and you see someone being rude to a waiter; a person that you’re on a date with, perhaps, is rude to a waiter, and you don’t call her out, one, your self-esteem is going to plummet because you have no standards, and, two, she is actually going to lose respect for you because you get bucketed in with all of the other people who only care about her for her physical looks. So, go ahead right now, think.

What are your deal breakers? Come up with some legitimate standards, and when you demonstrate those to a woman, you’re, actually, going to create a better connection. The third piece, really, really important because I see the first two happens. What happens when you have the first two and not the third, is that, you go on multiple dates. They all go well, and then, eventually, things just fizzle, because the third thing is sexual tension, right?

So I get a very, very common question from a lot of different guys. And it goes something like this, “So, Charlie, I went out on this date last night with this girl and it was amazing. I mean, we had the best time. She was laughing the whole time.

I felt like I was on fire, and I definitely want to see her again, so I texted her in the morning, I said I had a great time, when can we do it again, and she didn’t even get back to me,” or “Charlie, I went out last night. I met this girl, and it was just sparks from the gecko. We stood there, we talked for an hour, we traded numbers, and when I texted her today to say ‘Hey, we should go on a date,’ she said that she doesn’t want to, and that she just sees me as a friend. What is going on here?” So, I recognize, absolutely, that there are a million and one reasons that any singular partnership might not work out.

It could be compatibility issues, it might be something going on in her life, but, really, beyond those simple compatibility issues, the majority of the time, there’s really only three main reasons that a woman is not going to want to see a man, again, and they all kind of boil down to these three buckets. Once you know what these three buckets are, you can identify, “Holy cow, I’m consistently blowing interactions I’m having with women, because I’m not doing this thing, or because I am not presenting myself, or this aspect of myself. I want to cover what these buckets are in a woman, and keep in mind that these are all emotions that she is having when she is around you.

So, the first one is this–the emotion of just having fun with you and of being interested in you. This one is really basic, and you should know if you don’t have it, right? If ever you’re on a date where this isn’t there, it’s terrible. The entire thing is completely stilted, conversation is forced, it’s just not going well.

Date

So, this is, generally, one, the guys understand. More likely, this occurs at a bar or on situations where it’s not there. You walk up to someone, you start to talk, and they never really seem interested. They’re not really laughing. They’re not following up and asking you questions.

When there’s an awkward pause in conversation, they don’t endeavor to fill it, right? They just kind of let it sit there. That’s the most basic one, and the issue with this, is that on dates, a lot of guys get stuck here, right? They think, as long as she’s laughing, as long as she’s asking questions, that must mean that she’s getting more attracted to me, and, I, myself, use to think this, and the truth is, attraction for a woman, sure; part of it is, is she interested in you? Does she have fun with you?

But it goes beyond that, and if you think that simply talking about commonalities and making her laugh is going to make her feel romantic feelings for you, that is going to screw you up, because there is more to it than that. So that’s where the other two buckets come in. The second piece is so critically important, but, really, sadly, underseen in the real world is having genuine standards, right?

This is rules of conduct for how you need people to behave if they’re going to be in your life, and it’s so sad, but true, that most men do not have standards for the women in their life. The only things they care about are, “Am I physically attracted to her, and is she interested in me?” So I encourage you, right now, think back to your own life. Think back to times in your life. Is there a time in your life where there was a woman who was interested in you, who you were attracted to, where you didn’t continue to pursue things because she was rude to someone else, or she wasn’t affectionate, or she wasn’t a match in some other way? If you’re struggling to think of something, chances are that you don’t have any real standards.

And I promise you, this is hindering your daily life. Women, men, all of us in the world need to feel that people are judging us for who we are, right? If you’ve ever been in a situation where, maybe, you were in a position of power, and people just run up and kissed ass, that is a huge turn off. You want nothing to do with them. We gravitate towards those people who hold us to high standards, right?

To those people who genuinely care about who we are as a person, and our personality. A lot of guys, because they’ve never developed these standards for things that they’re looking for, cannot accurately communicate that to a woman, and what they do is they fill in these completely bogus lines of, you know, “You’re not like anyone that I’ve ever met before,” trying to act like they have standards, and it’s going to fall flat. So the most important thing, right now, is not that you memorize a certain line to make her feel this, it’s that you think, what am I actually looking for?

What are my actual deal breakers? Because if I don’t have any, and I’m incapable of demonstrating that, say that, a deal breaker is being rude, for instance, and you see someone being rude to a waiter; a person that you’re on a date with, perhaps, is rude to a waiter, and you don’t call her out, one, your self-esteem is going to plummet because you have no standards, and, two, she is actually going to lose respect for you because you get bucketed in with all of the other people who only care about her for her physical looks. So, go ahead right now, think.

What are your deal breakers? Come up with some legitimate standards, and when you demonstrate those to a woman, you’re, actually, going to create a better connection. The third piece, really, really important because I see the first two happens. What happens when you have the first two and not the third, is that, you go on multiple dates. They all go well, and then, eventually, things just fizzle, because the third thing is sexual tension, right?

If you’re constantly going on dinner dates, you’re having these fascinating conversations apart with the table in between, then you go, you walk her to the door, where you say, “I’ll see you on another night,” and that goes on and on and on again. There is no desire. There’s no intent. There’s no spark there.

What you need to do is create sexual tension. There’s this common myth that I think comes from Hollywood, because we see it in movies, where the guy and the girl, in Lady and the Tramp, they grab the same piece of spaghetti, and all of a sudden, they’re nearly kissing, or, they’re walking together and they fall, and their heads land right next to each other on the floor, and there’s this awkward moment, where sexual tension just happens to them. That is not what the real world is like.

You need to create these moments of sexual tension by having genuine romantic intent, and that can look like something, anything, like solid, lingering eye contact, direct compliments. I’ll talk about how to do those in a different video that I’ll point to somewhere here. Those things are going to do it, but the most important one is that you are touching her, right? If you are on a date with someone, ostensibly, there’s some sort of chance for a physical connection there, but if you’re sitting across the table, you’re not starting to hold hands, to hug, honestly, I recommend people go out dancing because that breaks down a lot of those barriers.

There is no sexual tension created, and it’s not going to happen. So, I hope that you, guys, have found this helpful. There’s like a fire going on behind me. I don’t know what’s going on. I hope that you, guys, have found this helpful.

If you’re interested in other videos, go ahead and click somewhere around here. We’ll have a link that goes up to another video that demonstrates the three things that I use whenever I start a conversation with someone. I use these almost anywhere I go, and the reason is, sometimes, I’m just walking about my day, I see someone that I’m interested in, and I’m a little bit struck.

I don’t know what to do. These are really easy fall backs. They’re not lines. They’re just easy ways to start a conversation with a woman that you’re interested in. It works in a bar, it works in a night club, it works on the street.

Go ahead and check that out right now if you have had that experience of not knowing what to say in an instance, because they’re really helpful fall backs. If you like this, go ahead, write in the comments. Let me know if you want to see more of this style of video. If you have specific questions, one of the things I’m trying to do is more reader questions.

So, if there are any questions, go ahead and drop those in. Of course, subscribe. I do a video every single week on Monday, and I’m trying to add more of the reader question variety.

So, I hope that you, guys, have found this helpful, and, of course, I will see you in the next video.

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